When I had my first child they told me 'don't worry you will be filled with this huge rush of love' as they say, well the truth is, after I had my first child there wasn't a huge rush of love, I felt relief, relief that the pain was over, relief that he was here and relief I had survived.
I remember looking down at his little face and expecting to know him, but I didn't, despite the nine months we had already shared, he was a stranger, a very small, gooey stranger. Don't get me wrong, the huge rush of love came eventually, but it grew, it grew with every cuddle, every cry, every smile. We were getting to know each other.
He is 8 now and did eventually became the love of my life, so much so that when I had my second child I feared I would never be able to love another child as much as him, yet I did. I didn't lose any love for him, I simply grew more love.
Since then I have had 3 more children, my youngest is only 9 weeks old, we are still getting to know each other. This time, the rush of love came quicker, I'm not sure if that was because she was born with a heart murmur or because she was born during a pandemic, or maybe it was just because I had done this before, but my desire to love and protect her came at that very first moment.
What I'm trying to say is; how you feel at that moment when they are born, or when you get that positive test, does not determine how good of a parent you will be, how much love you can share, it doesn't equate to a thing, it's OK to say 'I didn't have that rush of love', 'I don't have a clue what I'm doing', 'I miss who I was before' we are human and you're allowed to feel how you feel without judgement. Too often women feel inadequate because they do not conform to how society says they should feel, or do, or say and I think this needs to change.
My mother once told me in a time of need that 'women need other women' and how true are these words! We need each other, we need to Love, support and encourage one another even if you parent differently, we all deserve recognition and support, parenting is tough!
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