Lockdown 2020 let's be honest - has been a real mummy headache. It seems that Facebook, Instagram, social media always presents a different, more rosy view of family life and I think, especially in times like these, it's important to remember that things are not always as they seem, there is a reality that we don't always see and I can admit I am guilty of this! Since the start of lockdown, I have posted many pictures of my children enjoying home learning, enjoying our walks, enjoying our new addition, a smiley, happy, content baby, me once again loving motherhood. But, the reality is that we've had days when we have done no work, Jacob has cried at his English assignments and his spelling has gone quickly downhill. Hollie has pushed boundaries I didn't even know I had. Luca has apparently taken up boxing with Jacob on a daily basis. The baby has colic, she cried for 3 weeks straight without coming up for air. But I didn't post those photos because who wants to see that side of life? It's the side we hide but I feel it's also the side people need to see, maybe if we were all a bit more honest we all would feel a little less alone. There have been days where I have phoned my mum in tears because I have been desperate to see her, for her to cuddle her new granddaughter, for her to come and take some of the pressure away, not two metres apart, but to be right here next to me. There have been days when having a baby during this pandemic has been painful, recovering from a traumatic birth, isolated, alone as my husband's furlough ended and back to a very slow pace unending reality that for now this is the world we are living in. I lost the last trimester of my pregnancy, the part where you get to waddle around with a beautifully big bump and enjoying buying those last baby bits in anticipation for the new arrival. I lost the birth I planned. No visitors in hospital, not even my husband once I was on the postnatal ward. Finding out that my little girl had an undetected heart murmur, receiving this information, alone. I lost that beautiful part of the newborn stage, where everyone flocks to coo over the new addition to their lives, the new baby cards, the 'well dones' and 'congratulations' she won't have those things to look back on one day because they didn't happen. She's 2 months old now, she's no longer newborn size. She's had her first smiles, laughs, she's even rolled without others to share it with. Lockdown 2020 has been tough despite what you might have seen on my social media pages. I think it's good to be reminded of that, check up on your pregnant friends, check up on the new mums, checkup on existing mums, make sure the men in your life are OK. The world has changed for us all, but we can unite in our shared loneliness.
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